The Ultimate Question
by ThatFilmStudent
Summary: The Ultimate Question: Would you rather be a Vampire, a Werewolf, or a Ghost? In which Sirius Black has an important question and he decides to ask his friends, James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. This ultimately leads to a discussion about the imaginary advantages and disadvantages of being a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost. Remus/Sirius, hints of future James/Lily.


**A Vampire, a Werewolf, or a Ghost?**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or the TV show mentioned in the notes.**

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"Would you rather be a vampire, a werewolf, or a ghost?"

"What?"

The Gryffindor common room was quiet that November evening. It was around 9PM, which was an unusual time for the Tower to be so still, but the common room was quiet nonetheless.

In their corner, at their table, sat the Marauders. Remus and Peter were doing their Herbology assignments; James was pretending to read, _subtly_ (or at least he thought it was subtle) glancing up at the Portrait Hole every now and then; and Sirius was sitting with his feet up on the table, doodling on a piece of parchment, when he blurted out with the question.

"It wasn't that hard of a question, Moony. If you had to be one, would you rather be a vampire, a werewolf, or a ghost?" Sirius repeated, looking at Remus questionably.

"Are you joking?" Remus asked, genuinely wondering at his friend's mental health.

"In what context?" Peter asked, eyes still on his Herbology homework.

"What do you mean, _'in what context'_?"

"Well, if I was gonna say vampire, would I burn if I went into sunlight?"

Sirius thought on it for a moment before replying, "No, you wouldn't burn. But you would have to wear black."

"If I was a ghost, could I still pick things up?" James asked, joining in the chat.

"There are ghosts here, James. They can't pick things up," Remus stated.

"Yeah, but this is all hypothetical. Right, Padfoot?" he asked, looking at Sirius who nodded. "So, then, it's hypothetically possible that I could hold things. Correct?"

"Yeah, I don't see why not," Sirius shrugged.

"Okay. Then I would be a ghost," James answered.

"Really? Interesting…" Sirius murmured. He then looked at Peter and Remus for their answers to his question.

"Padfoot, why are you asking us this?" Remus asked, still unsure how they had stumbled into this discussion.

"I don't know. It just popped into my head, and I thought I'd ask. I mean, it's not like we're doing anything important, is it?" he said, glancing at their homework then back to Remus.

Remus stared for a long moment before he returned to his work, ignoring his surroundings. James continued fake reading. Peter went back to his homework. Sirius finished his doodle and showed it to James who laughed.

After a few minutes, Peter startled James and Remus by suddenly bursting out with: "What are the advantages to being a werewolf in this situation?"

Remus looked at his friend as if he were crazy, because clearly he was. There were few, if any, advantages to being a werewolf.

"I mean, well they've all got advantages. The vampire and sunlight. The ghost and its poltergeist abilities. So, what's the werewolves'?" Peter amended.

Remus thought it was a good question, considering the topic, and looked to Sirius for an answer.

"Alright, then. I'll pro and con it. And then you can choose what you would be, yeah?" Sirius suggested, dropping his feet from the table and leaning forward in his chair. "Okay. Pros of being a **vampire** : You can go out in the sunlight, you have a prolonged lifespan, and you are immune to poisons and illnesses. Cons: You would have no reflection, you would be craving blood 24/7, and you wouldn't be able to have sex – on account of the whole lack of blood circulation."

He produced an untouched piece of parchment and wrote down the Pros and Cons before he carried on.

"Pros of being a **ghost** : You can hold things, you can be seen if you want to be, and you can go anywhere you want. Cons: Well, you're dead, so not an not an awful lot of company there. You would also be stuck in your death clothes forever – so, if you died naked, that is how you would be seen forever. And…" he thought for a bit. "Ah, right. And no sex – no body means no sex."

James groaned. "Is everything about a lack of sex?"

"Okay, fine. You can have sex, but only through other people or with other ghosts. Better?" Sirius edited.

"I suppose," James smirked.

"So, these pros and cons for the werewolves, then? And, be careful what you say here," Remus warned, shooting his 'Prefect-look' – as James and Sirius referred to it.

"Yes, this is going to be good, trust me. Don't worry." Sirius cleared his throat and began, "Pros of being a **werewolf** : Higher pain threshold, better senses – you know, smell, hearing, all that – and," he grinned roguishly, "Animalistic sex."

Remus choked on air. Peter gaped. James sniggered. And Sirius continued, "Cons: You turn into a big dog once a month, prejudice is unfortunately common, and…uh… You heal very quickly," he finished, looking as if he had accomplished something amazing.

Silence reigned over their corner for a few moments before Peter looked down at the list again.

"Wait, isn't being able to heal yourself quick a **_good_ ** thing?" Peter asked, looking at Sirius with confusion etched on his face.

"No," Sirius answered. "I mean, not if you're trying to get out of lesson with a broken arm or something."

James was about to reply when he stopped suddenly. Remus turned around in his seat. A redheaded girl had entered through the Portrait Hole and caught his friend's attention: Lily Evans, the _'love of James Potter's life'_ , and she was headed straight for their table. Remus turned back and shared a look with Sirius. He didn't know why she was coming over, but he reckoned she must have had a good reason.

"Hello, boys," she greeted before turning her attention to Remus. "Remus, I was wondering if you–"

She stopped mid-sentence, her emerald eyes on the parchment that was now in the centre of the table. A look of confusion spread across her face and she looked at Remus for an answer.

"Um… Sirius had a question. And we decided it needed to be thought out more…?"

It wasn't a question, but his tone suggested it was.

"Okay…" she trailed off and looked at Sirius. "Black, if I may ask, what was your question?"

"I was just wondering what they would be, if they had to choose between being a vampire, a werewolf, or a ghost," he replied. He leaned back in his chair, placing his feet up on the table again, and looked her in the eye. "What would _**you** _ choose?" he dared.

Lily stared for a moment before she returned her attention to Remus. "Um…right. I remember, I came over here to ask for something. Is it okay if I borrow your Transfiguration notes, Remus?"

Remus nodded, "Yeah, no problem." He reached into his bag and fished around for his notes, quickly finding them and handing them to her.

"Thank you, you're a life saver!" She turned to walk away. But before she took a step, she glanced back down at the list again. "In answer to your question, Black, **_I_ ** would probably choose to be a ghost. Being able to go anywhere and hold things would be good. And I'd have an unlimited lifespan, so to speak."

She smiled at the group, lingering on James for a moment, before she walked over to her friends who were waiting for her at the fireplace.

"Yeah, ghost," James answered, almost immediately once she was out of earshot. "Definitely a ghost. It wouldn't be lonely then, not with Lily there."

"Fair enough. What about you, Wormtail?" Sirius questioned, looking at Peter who seemed to be in shock that Lily had replied to Sirius in a friendly-enough way.

"Uhh… I don't know," he replied, looking down at the parchment. "I _**was** _ thinking vampire, but… No, yeah, I'll stick with it. If I had to be one, it would probably be vampire."

"Alright," Sirius nodded and turned his attention to Remus who was leaning back in his chair, quill in hand, staring at the list. "And you? Decided yet?"

"Yes," Remus answered, "I think I have. The way you put it, in this _**hypothetical** _ universe, being a werewolf doesn't seem so bad. So, in _**this** _ situation, I think I would choose to be either a ghost or a werewolf." His gaze shifted to Sirius. "And what about you? What would _**you** _ be?"

Sirius met Remus' gaze. Smoky grey meeting hazel-amber, challenging one another. There was a calculating glint in Sirius' and Remus wondered about it.

"Me?" Sirius asked, a small (almost smug) smile on his lips. "No question. I would be a werewolf."

Remus hummed, a curious frown on his brow. "Really? And why is that?" he asked, intrigued by the confidence in Sirius' voice. It seemed as thought he had thought about his answer to the question before, many times.

"Well," he replied. "I'm basically a dog every month anyway. But could you imagine the _**sex**_? Wild, it would be. I'm guessing. Obviously," he added hurriedly.

"So, it's not that, if you were a vampire, you wouldn't be able to look in the mirror?" Remus retorted, fairly amused. James snorted, Peter sniggered and Sirius chuckled.

James went back to his book, watching Lily covertly, and Peter returned to his homework. Sirius reached across the table and picked up the parchment, still holding Remus' gaze. When Remus finally tore his eyes away and looked back down at his Herbology assignment, Sirius returned to doodling.

Both Remus and Sirius knew that 'wild, animalistic' sex wasn't always the case. Only when it was close to the full moon was sex with a werewolf 'animal-like'. The November full moon was coming up and Remus wondered if perhaps that was why Sirius thought to ask the question.

Remus sat in his chair, staring down at his work unseeingly, touching his bottom lip as he thought. He wondered how long they would have if they went to the dorm right now. Sirius seemed to have the same thoughts as within 15minutes, they were both on their way up to the boys dorms claiming tiredness.

Remus headed up first and sat cross-legged on Sirius bed, waiting patiently. Sirius arrived soon after and shut the door behind him, dumping his bag on the floor.

"Well, hello there, Monsieur Moony," Sirius said, standing opposite Remus and watching him.

Remus looked up and their eyes met. "Hello, Monsieur Padfoot," he returned.

"What's wrong?"

"That could have been close," Remus replied. "Your sex comment, I mean. They **_could_ ** have picked up on it. Anyone could have."

"Yeah, but they _**didn't**_ ," Sirius said. "You're being paranoid. And it wouldn't have mattered anyways, if they had picked up on it. I'm about 76% sure that James knows. And Pete wouldn't mind. He likes you. I don't think he would care much."

"Yes, but still. I don't think we should be telling anyone yet. It's only been a few months. And we don't even know where this is going to go," Remus said, dropping his gaze to the floor.

Sirius sat down next to Remus on the bed.

"I know," Sirius said. "Look, I'll try not to make any more **_obvious_ ** jokes, okay? Do you want to know something?"

"Sure," Remus replied warily, looking at Sirius curiously.

Sirius scratched his neck nervously. "I like you. A lot. A bit too much, truth be told. But meh, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, Moony. The answer is **_nothing_**. Nothing can be done," he said before Remus could interrupt.

After a moment's silence, Remus said, "I like you too, you know? A lot."

He smiled and looked into deep grey as Sirius returned the smile. Grey eyes flicked from Remus' eyes to his lips and back up to his eyes again. Remus noticing and leaned in. Sirius smirked and leaned in as well.

Their lips met halfway, brushing lightly, and Sirius brought his hand up to cup Remus' chin, pulling him closer, effectively deepening the kiss. The kiss was soft, not nearly as fierce as it usually was at that point in the month, and Remus lay back on the bed. He pulled Sirius with him and the Animagus lay over him. Sirius' other hand moved up to run through his hair.

After a while, they heard shuffling and the faint sound of voices. They broke apart and looked at each other. They both knew it was more than an _'I like you a lot'_ relationship. But neither said anything. It was too early for that, despite having known each other for nearly seven years.

Remus pecked Sirius' lips quickly before he rolled gracefully off Sirius' bed and made his way to his own. Minutes later, Peter came crashing through the doorway, tripping over (what seemed to be) thin air. James guffawed before helping Peter up. Remus sat up in his bed and Sirius laughed at what had just happened.

"Hello, fellas. I thought you'd be asleep by now. I mean, it's lucky you weren't," James said, giving an amused pointed look at Peter who grinned sheepishly.

"Nah, we were just talking. About… What superpower you would have and why?" Sirius said, secretly glad he had thought up his other question to ask.

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 **NOTE: this was definitely not how I had planned this going. The slash, I mean. I originally intended to do a nice little friendship story, but clearly my brain had other ideas.  
** **Sorry if it's shit. It was just an idea I had and I had quite a lot of fun writing it. I usually ask people this question, just because I think it's fun to find out. I also thought it fit, what with Remus being werewolf and all.  
This is my first ever story. I got the question from my love of the show _Being Human_ which is about a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost. **

**Modified on: 22/07/17.**


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